beth_is_betty (![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} beth_is_betty) wrote,@ 2005-01-19 20:53:00 |
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Hey everyone,
Sorry if I'm being weird, I'm totally out of it.
Lately, nothing has felt right to me, and I cannot make up my mind about anything, like my Winter Formal dress, or whether or not I'm happy that Freelin is going to the Winter Formal with me.
I don't know, part of me thinks that it's fine that I like him, I mean, he's only a friend and I know that will not change; I can tell, he just doesn't have feelings for me, which kind of brings me down. But then, I realise that I must accept the fact that he is only a friend, and I had better get my feelings for him over, and soon.
I really feel like I can be in a relationship again, especially considering that I am over my feelings for Dorian and everything (thank the gods!) and there are some great guys out there that are like a million times better than Dorian.
I wish that I could be in a relationship, though... People never really end up liking me, and I don't know why. I guess I'm just "too much of a friend" to them, or they're interested in someone else, maybe they think of me as a sister; the fact of the matter is, no one ever really feels physical or sexual attraction for me. If only I were beautiful, like Kimber or Taschy, or Sara or Kyttie, maybe even Lizzie, Lauren, or Ariel...they all have such beauty, something I could never hope to possess.
Kimber is back together with Cassidy (a boy), and it seems like Taschy and Klae might be back together, and I just feel so very lonely, I feel kind of left behind you could say. I don't know.
I hate this pressure that I'm putting on myself...but I can't help it. I want to be pretty, I want people to like me, I mean really like me. I'm so envious of those who are in long and steady relationships, it makes me feel so very left out.
::lovesick sigh::
