Home

January 4th, 2005

04:04 pm

Crushing all over again

Hahaa, new crush, REAL crush, it's official!
OMFG!
This is GREAT.
I'm happy that I'm liking somebody once again ::dances happily:: but also rather sad...
I hope I don't end up getting rejected. I don't know, but according to my friends, people have been talking about me and this guy going out for a long time now, even before Dorian dumped me icon_eek.gif Woah. Kind of weird.
Anyways, the guy I like is WAY COOL. He's really really cute and his HAIR is fucking awesome. I love to touch it...
But yeh, he's actually got BRAINS ((woah!)) He appreciates music and fine/indepedent film, and wants to be a director someday, which is fucking AWESOME.
Kimber and Cassidy, Lizzie and Jimmy, and I all went to the movies to see Life Aquatic ((BAD MOVIE!!)) and I decided to invite the guy I like along...
I didn't REALLY start to like him until I saw him there, and then we held hands throughout like...the whole movie icon_redface.gif Heehee...it was...very nice, actually...
icon_heart.gif
I really like him now...I hope that he ends up liking me, too!
That would be totally kickass...

07:22 pm

ANGST--Chapter V

I refuse to be loved by you.
I refuse to be rejected by you.
I refuse to be hurt by you.
I refuse to be broken by you.

Don't love me...
But don't reject me.
Don't you DARE hurt me.
Don't break me again...

Love me, so much --
IT HURTS ME.
Reject me, before --
I LOVE YOU TOO.
Hurt me, so much --
IT FEELS GOOD.
Break me, make me --
HATE ME MORE.

I like the love ((so love me))
But the rejection feels good ((hate me))
The hurt is pleasurable ((hurt me))
But I hate myself ((so break me))

Deep dark secrets I love lay within me,
though I try to hide and reject them,
because I do not want to hurt you,
and I do not want you to hate me.


I
love myself,
though I
reject who I am.
It
hurts me so much,
but the
hate feels good.